Last month I was asked to speak at a meeting that was being simulcast around the world. I was honored to have been asked as I am passionate about educating people about human trafficking and I actually, really enjoy public speaking. In preparation for the meeting, the organizer called a joint phone session with all those that would be presenting that morning. I showed up to the call and found myself feeling suddenly, a little out of place. On the call we had a CEO, a couple of directors, a PhD., a Vice President, and me, Just Bonnie – JB. It dawned on me very quickly that I didn’t have the credentials or position that these people were wearing.
Truthfully, those things do not normally bother me. I could list my education and all that I did to “oo and ah” you…before choosing to stay home with my children. And while I have volunteered to do some big things as a mom, for some reason, I heard a voice saying I wasn’t enough at that moment. Who do you think you are Bonnie to be up there with all those highly qualified individuals? Position and letters have never intimidated me before. My own thoughts felt foreign to me.
While some people do wave their badge of position or title around, normally those are the insecure few. But for some reason, there are voices that pop up in our heads that cause us to compare and feel “less than”. Too often, because of those internal conversations, we quit before we even step out to do what we were called to do.
I actually did not ask to be on the journey of the fight against human trafficking. It chased me down while I resisted and ran “to Ninevah” for a number of years. So all that has happened in regards to being part of ending human slavery has been orchestrated by God. He has made it clear that He does not call the qualified, but qualifies those He calls. This is what I have to trust.
Very quickly, I put the wrong thinking about my “lack” of position out of my head. I moved forward, looking forward to the event. With less than 24 hours to going live, the director from the organization I was representing, contacted me to say he couldn’t make it to Houston to do his part – I had to fill in. There were also some other unexpected circumstances that came up in that time that should have thrown me off. But I was confident that God called me to this and He would see it through with excellence. Here’s the kicker, by my standard, I did awful. I stood there and had a major brain freeze. I wasn’t nervous or intimidated. Just stuck. Not myself. I’m never at a loss for words (an actual downfall of mine). I fell way short of what I normally do. As I drove home I asked God…”what on earth happened? I was completely trusting you. By human standards, I should just not do this again. What am I supposed to learn from this? Help me learn it quickly.” This really was a challenge to see whether it would make me doubt myself or get back up and try again. Fortunately, by the grace of God, I got back up and killed the next one.
There are passions that are birthed in us which are beyond our natural abilities. But I am convinced that God wants to do big things through us. He wants our “yes” so that He can change the world. He wants to set captives free. I am certain that He needs us in a position where we cannot take credit for accomplishments ourselves. I do not doubt that He adds His power, favor, abilities, anointing, and more when we say “yes” (His super to our natural). In fact, we get to see the impossible happen when we put ourselves in that position of obedience. We are not defined by our education, position, income, name, brand of clothes we wear, where we live, etc. We are defined by our Creator. I am proud to be JB – Just Bonnie. It puts me in a position to rely totally on Him. Of this I am convinced…”The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, for He has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free, and that the time of the Lord’s favor has come.” – Luke 4:18-19 God’s promise is the same for you. So who do you think you are?